Monday, September 12, 2011

secret 5 of 100

I once gave a student an A on an assignment because I was embarrassed.

For a brief stint I taught high school English. (Yeah yeah, I'm the worst speller. I put commas all over the place, and my grammar smacks...exactly why I don't teach English any longer.)
When I was pregnant, I taught senior English in Hawaii and I happened to have a drool problem. You would think these two facts don't necessarily go hand in hand, but you'll soon see that you are wrong.
When I was preggers with Ted-O, I would wake up in a puddle (or lake) of drool. I drooled when I ate, and spat when I talked. Frankly, it was gross.
One afternoon my students were completing a worksheet. I walked through the classroom glancing over their shoulders and monitoring their work like a good teacher. When I came to Bob (not his actual name, but for privacy reasons I have to censor something now and then) I leaned over his shoulder to look at his work. I could see he was struggling with a problem half way down the page. I pointed at the question and explained it in further detail. As I was finishing up my expert explanation, showing my prowess as a high school teacher, a massive glob of saliva-tinged loogie plopped down and landed right in the middle of his paper.
He jerked back, his face screwed into a sickened expression.
Frozen in my own horrified stupor, it took me a moment to process that the gooey yellowish blob on his assignment just came from my mouth. My own freaking mouth!
"Eww, Miss," Bob started to say.
I snatched his paper away faster than I could spit again. "You just earned an A."
He blinked at me and back to the spot where his marred paper no longer lay. "Right on. You can spit on me any day."
"Keep quiet Bob," I hissed, "Or I just might."

Keeping my word, I marked an A in my grade book. And Bob never brought up the loogie-attack ever again. But now you know that I'm the type of teacher that spits on students' work!


Jessie Humphries said...

Ooooh...nasty Erin! I am not sleeping with you anymore! Wait, that sounded weird.

Sara B. Larson said...

Oh man, only you Erin. Only you. (And I mean that in the best possible way because you crack me up. Even when it involves yellow lugies. Ew.)

Nikki said...

So gross AND hilarious!

I was the Primary chorister through a couple of pregnancies. But my first one I had no idea about the saliva factor. I sprayed those kids regularly while teaching them to sing. hahaha!

SummShine said...

At least your awesomeness as a teacher made up for the grossness of the loogie.

i'm erin. said...

Ah Dave...if only you knew how un-awesome I really was. ha ha.

Kahilau said...

Do I happen to know this "Bob"? That is a great secret. You are so stinkin' funny

Kristine said...

That is awesome! Hahahahahaha! I'll be laughing for a while on this one!

kellieanne said...

My sixth grade teacher was, well, HOT! He was movie star gorgeous. At least I thought that until we were working on a poster and his nose dripped a wet splash in the middle of my work. He didn't offer me an A. He brushed it off and went to the next student. Not so hot after all.

Unknown said...

Wow, I can't believe you willing share that story LOL. Good for you!

fijiangirl said...

Hilarious!!!! seriously...

linda said...

LOL! Omg, you're brilliant. Awesome cover-up!

Abby Fowers said...

Seriously laughing out loud! HAHAHA! This is hilarious and sounds like something that would happen to me. I love it. What a funny story. I'm sure that kid is wondering if he is lucky or not.

Precy Larkins said...

Oh, that's hilarious! I mean, sorry, what an embarrassing thing to happen. Pregnancy. It does crazy things to us, doesn't it? Good thing *Bob* did not spill. Er...yeah. :D

Shari said...

You and your saliva crack me up. said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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