Monday, October 31, 2011

Secret 13 of 100

There's something creepy about the number 13, so I figure why not creep y'all out. It is, after all, Halloween. No better time for creeping and stalking, is what I always say.

My secret is I was a stalker. 

No, not in the funny I read your blog and look at all your pictures on fb ten times a day. (Although I do that too.)
When I say stalker I'm talking I-wore-black-and-followed-a-boy-around-town kind of way.

Yeah, I get that the following stalking techniques may come across a little creepy:

1. I watched said boy from behind cracked blinds to see when he was coming and going from his home. (A good stalker knows when and where her Stalkee will be at all times. Stalking Tip #12, from Erin's Book of Stalking).

2. After taking note of his schedule, I mysteriously popped up in same places he was, and when confronted about it, I blinked at him and said, "You're kind of creeping me out. Are you following me?" (Always turn the tables on the Stalkee. Stalking Tip #29, from Erin's Book of Stalking).

3. I may or may not have followed said boy three cars behind while he took another (might I add hussy) girl on a date. This charge I can't confirm or deny. (Stalking is creepy when it's illegal. So try to make your stalking look like innocent interest instead of law-breaking activity. Stalking Tip #29, from Erin's Book of Stalking)

The point is, I was a stalker. I admit it, and I'm not afraid to say it. Because without my suave stalking techniques I wouldn't be married to that boy now.
All those out there that stalk, say aye!

33 SPLURTS:

E.R. King said...

Love it! I stalked my boy, too. Poor guy never had a chance.

Happy Halloween!

J. A. Bennett said...

That is the best love story ever! Stalking pays off!

Abby Fowers said...

YES! I've been there. Not married to said boy tho. lol. Oh well. Man, I always look forward to your posts. You rock!

Kristine said...

Psst... I noticed an error in your post. You said WAS instead of AM.
;)
I love hearing your stalking stories too! You are the ninja.

Rachel said...

I stalked someone too. Well, at least 2 people, but nobody got hurt. But then I became the stalkee and found out someone was hiding in bushes and watching me and then they stole my purse, only to put it in the bushes by my window with everything still in it. That breaks your stalking rules and is just plain creepy. I haven't stalked since.

CNHolmberg said...

HA HA! That's hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

I think the worse I ever got with stalking was taking random walks in my friend's neighborhood and always passing by a boy's house to see if he was outside. He never was, but I married him anyway. :D

Peggy Eddleman said...

Peggy's Stalking Tip #17: Always stalk with a Harts Diet Coke and a bag of peanut M&Ms in hand. That way, if you're confronted, you can say you were just bringing by a treat.

(P.S. Don't look out your living room window right now. I really don't want to give up this Diet Coke.)

i'm erin. said...

Peggy, you crack me up.

Jessie Humphries said...

I have a stalking story, dark wig, sunglasses and all. Except I stopped laughing and giggling with my stalking cohort when I realized my boyfriend was sleeping with my best friend who was supposed to be on a date with her boyfriend! True story.

Faith E. Hough said...

LOL. My stalking tendencies were rather tamer, because I was pretty horribly shy. It kind of takes the creepiness out of it when I say I attended daily Mass largely so I could "run into" the boy I loved.
He forgave me for my ulterior-motive-piety when we got married, though. :)

Janna Qualman said...

Hilarious!

Hopped over from your link elsewhere. Great blog. :)

Jeigh said...

I didn't marry this particular guy, but I always peeked out the blinds to see when he was leaving for his 8:00 class, then I would go around the other side of the building and meet him there, all, "Oh, HEY! We meet again, ha ha."

I'm a total FB stalker, too. If people don't want to be stalked, they should be less interesting. (Tip #444)

DEZMOND said...

thanks, my stalking sister, I think I will use these techniques in my spying business :)

Cristina said...

I've never stalked anyone and you've made it sound all fun and stuff... humph!!!

:)

Cristina said...

oh my God, Jessie, I was just stalking your comment, LOL

and oh no, that's a terrible story.. LOL.. sorry I don't mean to laugh, but I just can't help it, hehe.. that SUCKS!!!!

Stacey said...

ha ha! The whole time I was reading this I thought...I bet you stalked Mark! ;)

Sarah Pearson said...

I'm so glad that story didn't end in 'and when I got out of jail ...' :-)

Sara B. Larson said...

Ha ha, you crack me up. I always wondered where that book idea came from... ;)

P.S. my race story is up on the blog. And Yes, we totally need to do something soon -- so what and when?? :D

i'm erin. said...

Agh, Jessie! I'm so sorry. I totally would've kicked that girl in the couch. (Yes, furniture piece. I'm being clean today.)

Faith, that's so awesome you married a boy you sort-of stalked.

Jeigh, I love your "Hey we meet again."

Shallee said...

HA! I love that you married your stalk-ee. :)

Happy Halloween!

Brenda Sills said...

Ha! Ha! So glad you won your guy. Now that's stalking at its finest! Hey, thanks for following and commenting on my blog! It's so great to get to know you and I love your profile photos!

cherie said...

Awww, I love it that the stalking had a happy ending. And rightly so...all that stalking is hard work, right?

XD

Alexis Bass Writes said...

Haha! So romantic :) I wasn't ever smooth enough to stalk, unfortunately!

Taffy said...

LOL! I can't say I stalked a boy. I know someone who stalked the boy AND his family after he broke it off. Creepy.

Ruth Josse said...

Oh my gosh. I was totally a stalker and didn't know it! Okay, maybe I did, but just didn't want to admit it. The use of binoculars is kind of a dead-giveaway.

Jenny S. Morris said...

I am currently in the Facebook stalking business. My sister-in-law and I charge by the hour, but it's worth it. We can find out if your boyfriend is cheating, if your brother's ex-wife has had a baby, or if that picture someone took of you at that party did in fact end up on the internet.

Maggie said...

Hahaha. Glad your stalking paid off.

Melissa Sugar said...

I don't feel so bad now. I stalked my husband a very,very long time ago before he and I were both married to our first spouses, but he sent me on my merry little way and when I say little, I mean little( I was ten and he was thirty) creepy I know. He was my neighbor growing up. Fast forward 30 years- we both just got divorced and took our friendhip to another level. It's not as creepy to be twenty years apart when you are forty and sixty( not as creepy).

BTW- I was born on January 13th (Friday), are you spooked now?

Stacy Henrie said...

Ha, ha. I love this. And I'm wondering if I know said boy. :)

Camcorder said...

I specifically alter which way I go to class to see pretty ladies, but that's just because the scenery is better ;)
mmmm... nope..never had to stalk someone to date them.

Must be a girl thing.

Katie Dodge said...

I love that you married your stalkee. Ha ha :)
I've never been a stalker myself, but went along on stalking "drive bys" with a couple friends in HS. (No guns involved.)

Abby Fowers said...

Hey girl. I passed you an award today. :)

Keisha Azzalea said...


Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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