Monday, October 24, 2011

secret 12 of 100

Last night Mark and I returned from visiting my sis in Washington at midnight. (No, that's not the secret).
This morning when I woke up I felt like a giant piece of crap--sore throat, achy, fever. (Again, not the secret).
Because my brain's a little fuzzy the only secret to come to mind is so mortifying I cringe even now as I'm on the verge of sharing it. But I can't sit in front of the computer any longer to think of another good secret. So don't say I didn't warn you. This is a mother of a secret.

Secret 12 of 100:

I played violin in the school orchestra. I wasn't very good. But the summer between sophomore and junior year, when all my friends were dating, I spent my lonely hours practicing.

Junior year, my marked improvement earned me a spot at second stand. And my partner became Illusive hot boy--a guy that wore a leather coat and reminded me of James Dean.

The day of our first concert of the year I felt like a giant piece of crap. (Much like I do now). But I went anyway, taking my place beside Illusive hot boy.
The concert started. I played well. In between songs Illusive complimented me. He was flirting with me! I giggled, managed something witty back . . . and then I sneezed.

And then time seemed to freeze. The seconds of post-sneeze silence spanned an eternity. Illusive looked at me with widened eyes. What was wrong? It took my foggy brain another second to follow the path his eyes took. I looked from I-hot boy to the spot on my violin that had trapped his attention.

Oh. Dear. Mother!

There on the curved, honey wood of my violin sat the most vile, slimy, loogie I'd ever seen. And judging from the timing, I'm guessing it flew out of my mouth mid-sneeze.
In that moment I wanted to die. Especially because the conductor tapped the stand, lifted his arms and started a new song .
I didn't have time to wipe it off. Oh the horror. I had to play an entire new song before I had a chance to free myself of that forsaken excrement.

And after I did, using my sleeve with as much pride as I could muster, Illusive never quite looked at me the same. Then again, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. So I guess that makes me even.
But there you have it. My secret is I'm a loogie sneezer when I'm sick. 


Aubrey said...

Oh Erin that would be awful! Hope you don't sneeze any loogies today!

E.R. King said...

Ha! That is gross and embarrassing, the best kind of secrets to share. So sorry you went through that!

Sara B. Larson said...

That really is gross. I'm trying to think of something witty to say about disgusting lugies, but I got nada.

Jenny S. Morris said...

LOL. So aweful. I hope you feel better.
I was in 4th grade mobile learning trailor and sneezed. HUGE booger hanging from my nose. I mean HUGE. The whole class laughed.

J. A. Bennett said...

lol! You crack me up! Seriously, who tells this stuff? You are one brave soul! I laugh every time I see you comment on my blog and I laugh again before I come to write a "splurt" on yours. Oh please don't ever change!

Robyn said...

I'm dying to know who the boy was. Oh, Erin, I miss you and high school!

Sarah Pearson said...

Oh, that's just an awful thing to happen. I can't believe you were brave enough to share that! Get well soon.

Abby Fowers said...

I think I just peed a little! LMAO! You share the best stories. Once my brother (sneezed OR coughed) while we were visiting in the living room. The loogie sailed the entire distance from his corner to mine landing on my leg. Yeah, I was wearing shorts. It was disgusting. He thought it was funny. Disgusting for me, but not as embarrassing as yours. You take the prize! :)

JoMamma said...

I'm trying to think about what hot boy played the violin. I am to caught up in that to think about how gross your story is.

Iain said...

How many times did you have to wipe your screen while you were typing this post? :o|

Peggy Eddleman said...

Hahahahahaha! Man. Your stories are the best. Or wait... the worst. The best at the worst. Or something like that.

And I tell you: You go on vacation, you get sick. It's inevitable.

Taffy said...

Stop the insanity loogie sneezer!My sides ache from laughing.Maybe it's good you sneezed on your instrument and not on Hot Guy?!

Maggie said...

That must have been awful. I had major allergies and had several snot rocket embarrassing moments like that. You're not alone. :)

Jessie Humphries said...

Why do all your secrets have to be so disgusting? How about some sexy secrets? Or some sinister ones? Or ones? Wait, I already said that.

Kristine said...

I wish I knew you in HS.

CNHolmberg said...

Oh wow, talking about mortifying!

Sandy said...

That is so funny! I am totally laughing right now.

DEZMOND said...

oh, my, kinda glad we don't have illustration for this one :)

Alleged Author said...

*waves hand* Me too, me too!

Cruise to the Max said...

I can't believe that story. That is so disgusting. All I can say is I know that I was not Illusive Hot Boy.

Melissa Sugar said...

Oh your poor dear, how dreadful. I love the way you tell a story. I mean I felt like I was back in high school watching the nasty crud fly from your mouth. I honestly felt your embarrasment all these years later. Is there a part two to this story? Did James Dean admire the way you handled it, fall in love with you and the two of you rode off into the sunset on his motercylce? Or did you die from humiliation and were never able to look at him again?

I am not sure what "Secret 12 of 100 " is? Is this a blogfest or bloghop or something unique to your blog? I want to read more.

I guess the best I can offer here is that you can dedicate your next best selling book to him and write that if not for the courage to overcome this embarrassing ordeal you never would have become the talented auhtor you are today.


i'm erin. said...

Melissa, you are so sweet! I love reading your comment. About James dean look alike, he never talked to me much after that. Oh well.

L.A Speedwing said...

I laughed!! so funny! You're brave to share this with us but i'm glad you did.

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