Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Scratch that. "Son of a #$%@!"

Better said, this post should be labeled When it rains it pours or What it looks like when the CRAP hits the fan, or Three Reasons a poly-style beating on your kids is okay. 


That may sound harsh, but I'm sure by the end of this post you'll understand my point.

TWO WEEKS AGO:
I walked in from outside, having just gardened the front yard while the kids watched a PBS show. In the kitchen I found Theodore (a.k.a. the Destroyer) with a lovely walnut-sized seashell in his hand.
"Whatcha' doing?" I asked.
He promptly hid the shell behind his back and gave me a sly grin. "Nothing, momma."
I narrowed my eyes on him, knowing without a doubt that this little three year old was, in fact, LYING! A quick glance around the kitchen confirmed my suspicions. The fridge beheld the work of Teddy and his lovely little shell.


"Son of a *%*$!"

Ok, so I didn't say all that, but I wanted to. And I'm telling you, Mark (the hottie-hubby) doesn't get mad easily, but this little act sure did test his patience. Teddy was sent to his room to think about how rubbing a sharp shell on a stainless steel fridge is NOT EVER a good thing. 

ONE WEEK AND TWO DAYS AGO:
Mark and I finally splurged and chucked our static-cursed T.V. purchased at a yardsale in '99, for a beautiful 42" LCD flatscreen. Oh how we love it.

TWO DAYS AGO: 
I attended a baby blessing with just the two older boys. When I came home I found Mark standing outside on the driveway with his fists clenched and a murderous look drawn tight across his face.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"I can't go inside or I will kill him."
"Who?"
Mark raised an eyebrow that ended our conversation. I suddenly knew exactly who he was talking about. I had left Mark home with Teddy and Ruby.
I raced inside to find tear-stained Teddy with his knees pulled tightly to his chest.
"What did you do?" I asked.
"I play with little skateboard on TV," he said in a small voice.
"You. Did. WHAT?"

Oh, you better believe a few choice words were dropped like a bomb. And for the rest of the day, Teddy cleaned every nook and cranny I could find with lysol wipes to teach him that scratching brand new TVs with a mini-skate board is NEVER a good thing.


TODAY:
Back in Black rang out in the library before I could silence my cell phone.
"Hello?" I answered in a hushed tone.
It was Mark. He told me that he'd come home for lunch. Mr. Peacock from next door stopped by and wanted to speak to him. Apparently, while the Peacocks were out of town, and their beautiful new Acura was parked in their driveway, someone marked it. How, you ask. It appeared to be by bicycle handle-bars. Say, about the size of a bicycle my DEVIL kids might ride.

Oh, YES! 
You know what's coming, right?
After a bit of prodding I dug the truth from my two oldest sons. George and Henry rode their bikes in the Peacock's driveway because ours had been a pile of rubble last week. While circling the Peacock's new sleek Acura, Henry dodged a rock. And the cost of skirting around the offending rock was paid in a long scratch that runs from one end of the car to the other.

Awesome, I know.

There will be no pictures of the lovely Acura, because at this point I can't even look at my kids, let alone snap a shot of my neighbor's vehicle. 

So you see, when it rains it pours.

25 SPLURTS:

sanaejames photography said...

oh my gosh!!! I'm half laughing, half fuming. can you do that? I'm just glad it didn't happen to us. sorry if that sounds bad!:) Sending lots of love and patience your way!:)

Peggy said...

Dang. A lot. That's a lot of bad, bad things in a short amount of time!! Good thing your kids are so unbelievably cute, or I'd seriously worry for their safety. :)

Beckstrom7 said...

Wow. I have had weeks like that but nothing on the scale you had. Every thing was large ticket items. Yikes. Here is a web site that might help with the fridge problem http://www.finishing.com/4000-4199/4148.shtml

Just SO said...

Oh man. Have you ever heard the story where my George broke a window of the neighbor to the East of us and then chucked a rock and smashed the sunroof of the car of our neighbors across the street? Both things happened in about a week or two of each other. Call me and we can commiserate.

Melissa said...

Some day you will all look back and laugh. I had a brother that did that kind of stuff and many years later, funny. Hang in there, at least the kids are not damaged. The rest is just stuff (that all happened to be VERY expensive), but just the same, stuff.

Leslie said...

holy canoli! I can't even imagine a week like that. I'm amazed that you are even calm enough to post about it. There would be steam (and many, many, many choice words) coming out of my head for days on end. I'd probably mail my kids overnight express in a crate to boarding school or the zoo.

I once said I'd exchange Em for Teddy. I've reconsidered. Sorry.

haley said...

Emma did the same thing to my mom's stainless fridge- only she was pretending to write on it with a whisk that was broken. She was about 18 months at the time. (In her defense, it was my mom's whisk that had been broken for a long time that I had tried to throw away several times.) As far as the tv goes, that really stinks (especially since I can still see the little bits of packing styrofoam still stuck to it when I click on the picture to make it REALLY big). Good luck my friend. And don't kill those boys- Emma needs someone to marry one day!

Finn and Tracey Family said...

do you need a hug? sooo sorry.

Kristiner said...

I cringe every time I think about this. I also cringe thinking of Aria getting old enough to do things like that. Erin... I am so sorry!

Rach said...

You give them a quick Sa'Sa & know when will ever know!

Leslie said...

The photos don't look so bad. Just work your Photoshop magic on them! . . . If it were only that easy. ~Troy.

Marcie said...

I'm so sorry, Erin!

Nikki said...

Whoa. My gremlin would be dead if he pulled that one. Poor t.v. :(

SummShine said...

Good Grief!
In regards to the TV, woot.com has a refurbished philips 1080p 42" flat screen tv for $499.99. the deal last until 11pm or they sell out.

Kendall said...

I hear you when it rains it pours. Hard and sometimes even with hail

Stacey said...

Oh no! Sweetie! Is it time to haul them off to summer camp or something? Just Kidding. Good luck!

JoMamma said...

After things like that happen Toby will often say "if you wanted nice things you should not of had kids". Hopefully since things are supose to happen in threes you will be done with this. That all really sucks.

Bobbi said...

Ohhhh...yes, I feel sick to my stomach. I'm so, so sorry. That seriously sucks.

A. said...

Oh my goodness Erin... all that comes to mind is "cha-CHING!" So sorry.

I'm Erin said...

Aw, you guys make me laugh. I know, it seriously sucks. Thanks for the support.

Julie said...

I just want to sing "It's a hard knock life" from Annie. I'm so sorry! Hang in there. In fact, go ahead and sing, "The sun'll come out tomorrow." It's an Annie kind of day, I guess. :)

Crystal said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE DAYS!!!! AAAAHHHH.... THAT'S SCARY!!!

Katie Evans said...

my kids would be murdered if they did that! and i only have a 7 month old right now but i'm right there with you on how mad i would be if that happened here at the Evans home!

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Aldea Aundy said...


Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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