Friday, January 02, 2009

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT AT HOME!!!

Why not start the new year out with a bang. I have been saying I am going to potty train Teddy, so why not start today. And while I am at it, I am going to start the day out right with a kick butt workout.
OR...

I really did have good intentions on starting the new year out on track, as in, workout, come home, potty train Teddy, clean up from Christmas, la di da...continue on with a perfect new year. OHHHHHH I was wrong, SO WRONG!
Mark kissed me goodbye and left for work. I snuggled into bed a little deeper, closed my eyes, and was jarred out of my comfort zone by George's wailings from downstairs. "MOMMMMMM!" he moaned in between sounds of erupting VOMIT! I jumped out of bed, pulled my sweats on and rushed downstairs. I ushered him into the bathroom, and directed him to puke in the toilet. His sounds woke Teddy, and Teddy started crying from across the hall. I opened Teddy's door, pull him out of his crib and pulled off his diaper. (Mistake #1) I paused after I took off his diaper as I struggled on whether I should potty train him today or push it off till tomorrow. Teddy took my pause as his free reign and took of butt naked down the hall. I chased after him, pinned him down and tried to plaster a diaper to his nakedness...to this he refused. FINE, I will potty train today.
George moaned from the bathroom and I heard a knock at the door. Dangit! I forgot Tonja was coming over to finish going over the photography school curriculum (details to come). I let Tonja in, took naked butt Teddy to sit on the potty chair, and raced down stairs to clean up the remaining puke. All Clear, I sat down with Tonja and started our meeting (Mistake #2). Teddy seemed fine, so I let him watch a show.
"Mommmmm," Henry called, "Teddy just peed".
I jumped up from my meeting, grabbed naked peed butt Teddy and took him back to the potty chair. (Mistake #3) I had a bright I idea, I would give him something to drink! I ran into the kitchen, made a gallon of orange juice and took a sippy cup back to naked butt Teddy who sat on the potty chair. I ran back into the meeting with Tonja. DRIP, DRIP, DRIP. Awww, could it be potty in the potty chair? NO, Teddy managed to chew off the lid of the sippy cup and spill OJ all over the potty chair and bathroom floor. I pulled Teddy of the chair and cleaned up the bathroom, then (prompted from george's screams) ran downstairs to see what George's deal was, urged him again to puke in the toilet, and then ran upstairs again. I sat down, and jumped up within seconds to hear a gush of water. What in the world?!?! (BIGGEST MISTAKE #4) I had left Teddy alone.
I ran into the kitchen to see where the gushing waterfall was coming from and found the entire gallon of OJ on my kitchen floor, dining room floor, and counter tops. Teddy sat in the middle of it all grinning from ear to ear...oh, and right under him was a puddle of non-OJ colored liquid. I raced to the hall closet pulled out paper towels, and unloaded them on the OJ. I soaked it up, mopped it up, dried it up and cleaned it up, and the put Teddy back on the potty chair. At this point I heard baby Ruby screaming in the next room over. I picked her up to find gooey ooey baby poop all over her and my bed. I peeled off her saturated diaper, changed her and sat down to feed her as Henry calls from the other room,
"MOMMMMMM! Teddy peed again."
In case you were wondering, I didn't make it to the gym today to work out...for that matter, I haven't brushed my teeth, combed my hair, or changed for the day yet.

12 SPLURTS:

Tiffany Chamblee Funn said...

I am laughing so hard! It really isn't funny. If that was my day I'd be crying like a baby!

Tammy said...

I feel for you with all the drippy, oozing people you have at your house!! Good luck with the potty training!

Kayleen said...

I'm tellin' ya 2009 is jinxed! Good luck with everything!! I can totally relate. When it rains it POURS!

A. said...

I'm so sorry that I'm laughing at your misery. Minus the puke, This sounds like most days here. Except that I gave up the potty training after about, oh, 100+ pee accidents on the floor, and I now have talked her back into wearing a diaper.

Drew and Kristine said...

WOW! That's miserable! But, I have to admit, I was laughing the whole time. Maybe it's the way you write, but I totally pictured the chaos!

Peggy said...

Hehehehe Hahahaha! So funny, Erin. Like I said, no one can tell a potty story like you can! I hope the potty training is going much better today.

kellieanne said...

God has a sense of humor. He granted extra rations of it to Moms because of the daily doze of body and environmental fluids we have to deal with.

Todd & Michelle's family said...

Awww, you must have had too much fun at your party to be jinxed like this! We took an AMAZING trip down to St George and thinking the bright sparking year was full of hope. . . then my kids get mangled by a treadmill. Check out my blog or facebook if you haven't already seen the damage. Love you, know that the year is only going to get better!!

Weight Family said...

LOL! Don't you love days like that! But your story is written much better than mine, I might steal it and just change this names...
my best-crappy mom day was when Hunter decided to throw a gallon of milk down our stairs. That was awesome.

Marcie said...

NO FUN! I bet you dealt with it all with a smile on your face or at least laughed about it later. Sorry about your chaotic day!

big8smiley said...

Who says it's easier to stay home with the kids than go to work??? You should hire that person.

eva fhadilah said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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