Saturday, June 14, 2008

Tears

I zipped up my pants, jumping up and down to secure a better fit. I had noticed lately that my once loosely fitting pants barely skim over my hip and rear area. I chuckled to myself, thinking perhaps I was carrying triplets...one in each rear cheek and one in the front...and then groaned at the thought of gaining even more weight in the months to come. My eyes darted to the clock. It was already 9:15, crap I was going to be late again. I shuffled around the house, grabbing the diaper bag and an extra sippee cup as I inserted a rubber band through the button hole of my pants in order to keep my, stretched at the seam, pants to stay up.

5 minutes later Teddy, my energetic toddler, and I were coasting down the back roads to the doctor's office. I despise the doctor's office. All doctor's offices are the same. A black hole for my lack of personal time, and a gathering center for snotty, sick, hacking people. I hate the thought of having to visit the doctor even once a month for maternity visits, let alone other visits for my kids. Yet, here I was again, just less than a month since my last visit.

I hadn't been feeling the baby move much lately and was very concerned. Years ago when I had only been married for a year, Mark and I had a 'surprise' pregnancy, which I dreaded at first, and then as time carried on, I grew to love and be excited for the little spirit inside me. Sadly, I was devastated and consumed with guilt when I experienced a miscarriage at 16 weeks of pregnancy. The thought of another miscarriage of that magnitude lingered in the back of my mind and ebbed its way into my fears.

The doctor took me into the ultrasound room as quickly as I had walked into the office, and within minutes I was seated on the medical table answering the basic questions. The office was quiet and I was surprised to find my destructive, I mean creative, toddler sitting patiently on a chair as I discussed with the doctor my pregnancy. He assured me that many women feel very little until the beginning of their third trimester. I felt reassured, since I had felt small movements and little flutters. I am sure he sensed my relief, but he said he would check out the baby anyway.

I laid back and he started the ultrasound. He checked the baby's heart and saw that he could see each chamber and he mentioned the heart beat was strong. My belly oozed with the odd blue gel as he checked the baby from every angle....every angle...and then he stopped, paused, and said, "Look there." Having seen 3 of my boy's ultrasounds before, I knew exactly what I was seeing. Tears streamed down my face, and embarrassed, I quietly tried to wipe them away. I tried so hard to keep the tearful tremble out of my voice; in just over a whisper I asked, "Are you sure?"
"Very sure." He confirmed as he pointed to the screen and distinguished between the black and white smudges, marks and lines on the ultrasound machine. More tears leaked out of the edges of my eyes as I sat up and readjusted my shirt...Like a tolling bell in my head I couldn't stop the shock of thinking, I can't believe I am having a girl.


Happy Father's Day to all out there...and especially to my hubby Mark!

22 SPLURTS:

Leslie said...

Hooray! Not that your boys aren't cute, but I'm so excited you are having a girl! I've been squirreling away awesome girl finds at yard sales (don't worry, I have some cute new stuff awaiting you, too) in hopes you were having a girl. Hey, when it's a gymboree dress for a quarter - I figured someone, someday I know will have a girl - and now it's you!

Robyn said...

YEAH!!!

Peggy said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so happy for you! I know you've wanted a girl to dress up in all the cute clothes you can find at unbelievably good deals. And a girl to give the name to you've been keeping for so long, and let's not forget: a girl to dress in a tutu! Just thinking about all the cute pictures you are going to take over the years makes me so happy for you!

Amy said...

Oh yeah!!!! How exciting! Congratulations! It really is alot of fun to have a girl. And what a little princess you are going to have with three older brothers around protecting her and a slew of people around her to adorn her in the foofoo stuff. (That or a tom boy because she figures "if you can't beat `em, join `em" :P )

I may have 2 girls already, but I still can't help but want yet another girl. Too many cute things!!! (Plus the frugal side of me thinks of all the hand me downs from big sisters she'd already have. lol )

Lots of love to you! Can't wait to hear the name. :)

The Price Family said...

FINALLY!!!! I am so excited for you. At first when you said "tears were coming down your eyes" I thought you had seen a wiener but I am so happy that it is a girl. OH so is going to be so spoiled.... I can't wait to see her!!!

gurrbonzo said...

woooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo!!

JoMamma said...

I could have kept the secret. I would have. Congrats! I am so excited for you.

Just so said...

Congratulations!!! I'm glad that all is well with the little sweetie. She's going to be beautiful. Just like her momma.

The Van Leeuwen Family said...

Erin - I'm SO excited to hear you're having a girl! I can't wait to see what we're having (tomorrow). Hopefully we'll find out we're going to be filling our house with lots of pink too! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the pics you got of us (at least the ones you posted & I can't wait to see the rest). You're the best!

Shayleen Lunt said...

Someone out there better be throwing you a big baby shower...all new stuff for a girl! Congratulations!

Shari said...

Congratulations! That is great news. Now we will have one more niece to pass some girl stuff along to. We are finding that we don't have many hand me downs for Olivia because her 3 older sisters wore them out. Darn we have to get new stuff, but since she is the last of the Weaver gang we are glad to be able to share them with those we love. So what will the name be? and when is the approximate due date for this little sweetheart?
Love Weavers
PS your nieces can barely contain themselves

Shari said...

Congratulations! That is great news. Now we will have one more niece to pass some girl stuff along to. We are finding that we don't have many hand me downs for Olivia because her 3 older sisters wore them out. Darn we have to get new stuff, but since she is the last of the Weaver gang we are glad to be able to share them with those we love. So what will the name be? and when is the approximate due date for this little sweetheart?
Love Weavers
PS your nieces can barely contain themselves

Bobbi said...

I AM SO HAPPY! You made me cry too. Congrats, Erin! I love you!!

Kami said...

Holy crap! You're pregnant. Wow! and a little girl. That's awesome. Invite me to your shower, and if no one offers to throw you one I will, because I love that crap. :)

I am truly happy for you. I love my daughter and can't imagine you with out that.

Tell Mark Congrats too.

Holladay Photo said...

Such a fun story! Congrats! She's going to be beautiful and have loads of adventures with her brothers.

haley said...

Oh Erin! I am so happy for you! For a minute, I was thinking you were going to say there was more than one baby...Congratulations! That is so awesome!

James Family said...

YAY a girl!!! We love girls!!!!

DaisyJ said...

Oh my gosh, your post gave me goosebumps and made me want to cry! How sweet! I love little girls, (I may be a bit biased!) Congrats!

Naniloa Loop Scoop said...

YAY!!!!!!! Im so excited for you. When exactly are you do? Now you can finally name her Carol. ha ha ha....I know---just kidding. I miss you Erin. I really wish I was there to hang with you with the baby coming and all. She's gonna be sooooo cute and so fun. Congratulations! BTW my sister in law is having a little boy in October. Sorry it's been awhile since Ive been in touch but I've been crazy busy. Plus---hello??? your just as bad at keeping in touch. I have to call you to update you soon. Anyway I better get back to work.

Love and miss you tons!

Jason,Tiffany, & the Crew said...

YEA!!!! How wonderful! love, Tiff

Faith said...

Congrats Erin!! I saw you the other day and didn't even notice that you are pregnant!!

Marcie said...

Erin, you little trickster, you! Obviously it was your plan to fool everyone into thinking you were having your fourth boy and I was feeling sad that you were so sad... but now am SO HAPPY for you and I love that I know that those were tears of joy! Yay! I can't wait to see her and I can't wait to hear what you decide to name her. Congratulations to you all- ha ha, you were wrong! :)