Thursday, March 29, 2007

Hawaii--giving more meaning to the "aloha" state

Disclaimer: Please refrain from reading the following blog if you are sensitive to discussing bodily functions, if you have eaten anytime in the last 2 hours or if you had the notion that I was above discussing my own bodily functions. If you fall under any of the above noted categories, you should refrain from reading the rest of this blog entry. Hence forth, you have been forewarned.

Hawaii, the 50th state, is most often called the "aloha" state, meaning the state that shares love freely. This last Tuesday I had the opportunity in the bathroom stall of a Ross Dress for Less store to witness Hawaii's spirit of "aloha" first hand.

Earlier in the day, Mark and I decided to eat at a restaurant that we had never been to before. (This restaurant shall remain nameless, because it is quite a popular restaurant and I wouldn't want to sway any readers from eating at this restaurant.) The food tasted excellent and I whole heartedly devoured my dish. We left the restaurant and ran a few errands which ended up taking 4 or 5 hours. As we were finishing our errands Mark and I stopped at a shopping center that had a Ross Dress for Less. Mark needed to find another pair of nice dress pants for work, so he went into the Ross while I went next door to Pier 1 (a fabulous store to buy home decor). Within minutes of entering the Pier 1, I found the cutest set of designer decor pillows, and my stomach felt like it was erupting within. All of a sudden I felt light headed and an intense clenching in my stomach and intestinal track. As small beads of perspiration formed on my head and nick, I quickly dropped the pillows of at the register, mumbling to the cashier that she would have to hold the pillows for me, and I exited the store. I ran/clenched/ran to the bathrooms at the back of the Ross and entered into one of two stalls in the small bathroom. I sat down and found immediate relief...at least from that end. It seems I was in the throws of food poisoning! As I sat haunched over the toilet in the restroom, I glanced down and noticed that toilet paper was strewn all over the floor of the restroom, but no toilet paper hung in the dispenser! "Great, there is no toilet paper," I muttered as I scanned the restroom floor inspecting the toilet paper on the ground...I was going to have to be resourceful!

Then in the other stall of the small, two-stall restroom, I heard the distinct accent of an older Filipino woman. "Eh you, you got da diarrhea o' wat?" I couldn't believe my ears, was she asking me about my bodily projections? "Um, yes," I timidly returned. "You no sound so good. I got da paper. You need?" She continued. "Yes, thank you." was all I could say, thinking our conversation was over when she handed me a wad of toilet paper under the stall wall. But to my surprise and amusement, she continued. "I tink you need more." Apparently she was listening to me...She passed another large wad of toilet paper. "I got the diarrhea too. I ate da Saimin and I no feel so good too. Wat You eat?" Well, I could see at this point a conversation was going to ensue, so I, thankful for the shared toilet paper, engaged in the Restroom spirit of Aloha. We talked about what we ate, her recent gal bladder surgery, my 2nd and 3rd rounds, and 10 minutes later when it was all over, I found that I had made a new, old Filipino friend.

May the spirit of Aloha be with you too!

18 SPLURTS:

gurrbonzo said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

aloooo-PHHHHHLT-SQUIRT-ha!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Pop said...

I can't stop laughing, it's all too true. The spirit of Aloha lives on, even in the most dire circumstances. You're lucky she was Filipino, I don't believe others would have noticed your plight or even thought to share toilet paper. Eh! Manang, Mabuhay!

Cecilia said...

Okay, Erin. I have thought for a long time and now am sure that if I had randomly come across your blog, not knowing you, I would have bookmarked it!! Nothing is better than YOUR potty humor! Not that I'm an expert or anything.

The Bahrs said...

WOW! Glad you didn't get stuck without tp. I'm still laughing!!!!!!!!!

OHANA said...

HEEEEE heeee HHHAAAAA ha ha ha ahaha HA!! Now that I have stopped laughing, is this why you didn't go running the other morning? Hee hee hee. So what restaurant was it? I must know, so I don't meet the same fate.

Nikki said...

almost peed my pants reading this.

DakRat said...

Wow. I'm not sure what I would have done if someone asked me if someone asked me, "Eh you, you got da diarrhea o' wat?" I would probably do one of two things. First, and most likely, pretend I was mute so as to avoid the possibility of someone recognizing my voice and in a series of monosyllabic grunts communicate my inability to speak and urgent need for TP. I would then hide in the stall until I was the only one left in the restroom then exit post haste so no one would catch me in there with the haze of diarrhea stench. Second option: when asked, "Eh you, you got da diarrhea o' wat?" I would reply, “Yes, and it’s coming over me in waves. It burns! It burns! Oh…the burning! If you have any pity in your heart, hand me some paper under the stall now and run for your life!” But, like I said, the first option is the more likely of the two.

crazysumms said...

That is....that is...well AWESOME! Of course not that you were ill in a public restroom, but that you made such a friend in such a way. At least we know the spirit of Aloha is alive in the potty.

Marcie said...

Oh, my, GOSH!!! Sooooo funny that I had to read it to Mike and we were cracking up- especially with the pidgeon talk! I can't believe that lady was carrying on a full-on conversation with you. If I overheard that kind of noise I would want to pretend that I wasn't there so that the person wouldn't be embarrassed! I bet you were cracking up after (if not while!) doing your "business!"

Shari said...

All I can say is, pass me some toilet paper. because I might pee my pants. That is a great story!

jerin said...

Haaahaaa! I'm laughing out loud here at work. Great job transcribing the pidjin.

Leslie said...

That is the most insane story ever. I totally believe it though because I can just see some nice local lady really doing that over there. Here, some lady would probably run out of the bathroom as fast as possible.

Leslie said...

That is the most insane story ever. I totally believe it though because I can just see some nice local lady really doing that over there. Here, some lady would probably run out of the bathroom as fast as possible.

Johnson Journal said...

What a moving story. It brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for sharing!

Leslie said...

okay, time for a new blog post from you cause every time I click on here for some reason I have to run to the bathroom!

Kimberly said...

Kirsten sent me here to read this: hysterical! I LOVE IT! I miss Hawaii and all the fun people that are there! :-)

Peaches Ledwidge said...

Stopping by after reading Emily's write up about you.

Thanks for the morning laugh.

And yes, I just drank my tea.

Adeeva Afsheen said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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