grateful.

I'm grateful that I have debt to pay off. A lot of debt.
Because it gives me something to work for. A goal at the end of the road.
It keeps me busy.
And it keeps me focused.
Photography started as a way to pay down Mark's school loans, and to help with our finances when he was out of work. Since I started, I can't say it's been easy, but I finally feel:

Busy.

Not a little, but so busy that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Like I'm drowning in To-Dos. Sometimes, like yesterday, I didn't have time to change out of my PJ's until it was too late, and then I realized it was time to go to bed.

Today I woke up feeling a little cranky about how busy I feel, but then I realized I'm ungrateful.
Truly ungrateful for what I've been given. Ungrateful for the debt that gave me my college degree, and home, and even my babies. Ungrateful that being busy, could just possibly be my talent. My calling. Me.
So, I sat down today, forcing myself not to complain, and thought it out.
I would be sad if I had nothing to do. Depressed by boredom.  I'm ADD that way.  I need to be moving, doing, working, or helping to keep my mind alert and my psyche sane. I feel a constant need to be a productive human being. I NEED to be busy.
Does that even make sense? (I know sometimes, especially to my sweet hubby, it doesn't.)

So busy as I a may be, and stressed as I may seem, without all these things to keep me busy, I wouldn't be

ME.