Tuesday, April 13, 2010

grateful.

I'm grateful that I have debt to pay off. A lot of debt.
Because it gives me something to work for. A goal at the end of the road.
It keeps me busy.
And it keeps me focused.
Photography started as a way to pay down Mark's school loans, and to help with our finances when he was out of work. Since I started, I can't say it's been easy, but I finally feel:

Busy.
Not a little, but so busy that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Like I'm drowning in To-Dos. Sometimes, like yesterday, I didn't have time to change out of my PJ's until it was too late, and then I realized it was time to go to bed.

Today I woke up feeling a little cranky about how busy I feel, but then I realized I'm ungrateful.
Truly ungrateful for what I've been given. Ungrateful for the debt that gave me my college degree, and home, and even my babies. Ungrateful that being busy, could just possibly be my talent. My calling. Me.
So, I sat down today, forcing myself not to complain, and thought it out.
I would be sad if I had nothing to do. Depressed by boredom.  I'm ADD that way.  I need to be moving, doing, working, or helping to keep my mind alert and my psyche sane. I feel a constant need to be a productive human being. I NEED to be busy.
Does that even make sense? (I know sometimes, especially to my sweet hubby, it doesn't.)

So busy as I a may be, and stressed as I may seem, without all these things to keep me busy, I wouldn't be
ME.


12 SPLURTS:

yoga mama said...

oh, Erin! You inspire me. thanks for posting this. I needed to hear it.

Just SO said...

I think that one of the signs of the end of the world will be the day that you aren't busy.

And girl you do have talent. Extreme talent.

Kristina P. said...

You are awesome, my friend!

Peggy said...

Wow, Erin. That really spoke to me. Seriously. Thanks for helping me get things into focus again for myself.

And dang if the extreme business didn't happen to a person more capable of handling extreme business than anyone I know. I think you get about as much done in a day as four normal people. You really are inspiring.

Sara B. Larson said...

I always say better busy than bored. What a great post to help keep it in perspective in a different way. I'm glad your business is doing so well!

Stacey said...

Erin you always amaze me. You are so good and honest, and yes busy! Hugs! I am SO excited to see you next week!

Jenny said...

you're awesome Erin. I honestly am amazed with all you do and admire you in so many ways, maybe someday I'll grow up to be like you :)

Shari said...

I'm so glad you are you. You are one of the funnest and most incredible people I know.

Crystal said...

i love this post!!! im the same way. i complain and am so tired when im super busy and yet when im not busy/bored i go psycho!! seriously!!

Bobbi said...

True. So true.

Finn and Tracey Family said...

well said and thanks for saying it. you are the best. ox

Kami said...

I'm with you all the way. The second I slow down is the moment I get depressed.

Oh, and if this post is a "cry for help"...call me, I will gladly by your personal assistant. Just hanging around you for a couple hours would make life a little more worth living. You crack me up.