Long Duck Dong

Do you remember Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles? At the BYU writing conference, I shared a poignant experience that I once had with the aforementioned superstar. It is now that I would like to take the time to share it with you (my one faithful reader).

Another delay? Are you kidding me? I really just wanted to get home, as I was sure all the other passengers milling around LAX did also. I pulled out my walkman, slid on the satellite sized earphones and then shoved in my coolest new tape: Lighter Shade of Brown. (Note: If you are unfamiliar with this group that's because they are a one hit wonder...and by one hit, I mean probably only in Utah. I dunno...Goggle them.)

I rocked to the bassy beat as I looked around the terminal. Right across the row from me sat Long Duck Dong. No way.

"Long Duck Dong!" I jumped out of my seat and ripped the fatty-arse-ear phones off my head.

He smiled.

I shivered...and not just because it was cold in the terminal.

"You know, Long Duck Dong is not my real name," he said. Then relaxing back in his chair, he pulled out the LA times.

"Sure, whatever," I replied and then asked him a slew of questions. The flight delay gave us time to talk for nearly an hour more. Glorious. I asked him all the Sixteen Candle questions I could think of, and I even quoted my most favorite lines from the movie. I knew he must have been impressed by my wittiness and clear memory. Oh, wonderful flight delays. When they finally called for boarding, my new BFF and I walked to the gate.

"So," I said, now just standing inches from him. "Do you want to come over for dinner?"

Long Duck Dong tilted head and said, "I am sorry, but, we are not as good of friends as you think we are."

Hmm, How did I read that one wrong? Awkward. "Oh, ok. Maybe some other time." I scurried onto the plane and tried not to bother my Ex-new-BFF for the remaining flight.