Tuesday, April 15, 2008

YESTERDAY

Yesterday...I completely abandoned my dedication to Monday's Get Fit Tip.

Yesterday...I woke up feeling like a giant stinkin' slug.

Yesterday...Mark walked out of the room when I was talking to him (apparently he thought I was finished talking), and I felt upset. No, I felt irritated, like the kind of irritation you feel when your efforts spent on solving the mysteries of the rubix cube prove to be futile. I don't know why his sudden departure spurred a nagging irritation from deep within my giant slug embodied self, who at the time was still parking it on the bed, with no intention of getting up and ready for the day. But, I felt the need to complain. Today of all days was his birthday and in our current No Job situation, I felt as if I could do nothing...so I did nothing, and I felt horrible. There you have it. I laid in, late into the morning, stinkin' like a giant slug of an anxious naggy girl, shooting turdy comments out for the sake of feeling better...and of course I didn't, I felt WORSE!

Eventually I pulled myself out of bed, shuffled over to the fridge and pulled it open only to be disappointed with the lack of contents therein. My fridge looked to have been carelessly raided by a thief who only left the tattered remains of half filled condiment bottles. I haven't been to the grocery store in a few weeks. Mark is still out of work and I have been doing my best to keep my always hungry mob of boys fed on the contents of our cupboards. Thanks to a few mysterious angels, the last couple months have given us the necessities we need to live on and sometimes an occasional more. At first I found others generosity to feel embarrassing or even shameful, but I quickly shed those prideful walls and fully accepted the love and kindness so many have shown. Unfortunately today gratitude seemed to have escaped me and pity, pride, and 'Pissed-off' seemed to be the only qualities I possessed.

Mark knew well to steer clear of my down and out grumpiness and he fled to the office to work on 'straightening up'. He never even mentioned that it was his birthday, not that he would have to, because I knew. But just knowing I didn't have enough extra money to go out and buy a cake mix spread bad thoughts in me like a bad seed taking root. But seeing Mark, doing his best to lighten my mood on his day started a little feeling of good in me. It was at about this point I had that inner dialog with myself. You know the one, with the good angel on one shoulder and the lazy, crazy, slug angel on the other. The slug angel gave quite a fight, but eventually the good won the battle and I decided to make an effort to snap out of my furious fog. I texted a friend to go running, changed my clothes, and brushed my teeth. 30 minutes later she was ready to meet, and called to let me know.

I walked into the office to let Mark know I was leaving and he waved me off! He was on the phone and made it clear he couldn't speak to me! Of all the annoying things to do. I finally get in the mood to be in a better mood and he wont get off the phone to watch the wild baby so I can jog off my frustration. You can believe this spun me into another downward annoyance.

10 minutes later (can you believe he made me wait 10 minutes) he walked out, looked up at my fuming self and smiled. And, quick before I could launch into a full blown 'I've had it', he announced that was the company he had spent the last month interviewing, and second interviewing, and 3rd interviewing at. In his quiet manner and tender voice, he broke down my frustration, annoyance and anger. He announced, "Erin, I got the job."

I stood speechless (for the first time that morning...well probably for the first time in a long time) and then broke down in tears. Tears streamed down my cheeks and flooded my eyes as he embraced me and echoed again, "Erin, I got the job." I very quietly whispered, "I am so sorry for being so upset. I love you. Can I tell you Happy Birthday now?" He smiled...and as simple as that, I knew that he had forgiven me.

I am so grateful for all who have offered a kind word and a helping hand through this difficult time. Thanks to friends, family and neighbors we have been able to keep our home, feed our kids and stay (mostly) sane. I cannot express the joy I feel to know that our prayers have been heard, answered and a way provided. Love, erin

Yesterday...was a great day!

30 SPLURTS:

Kristen said...

CONGRATULATIONS Erin and Mark! I know EXACTLY what that feels like. Been there, and I'm so glad you don't have to worry anymore! YAY! *Smiles* :)

Kristen said...
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karina said...

Ah crap!!! Mark, I'm like the worst sister ever! Happy Belated Birthday!!! I've been so wrapped up in my finals and making sure Jesse passes his classes so that we can be done with school by this time next year. CONGRATULATIONS on the job!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erin, I've totally had days like that and I'm always amazed at how they (for the most part) end up being the best days ever!

Yeti Yogi said...

What wonderful news! What an amazingly wonderfully marvelous bit of news!

Robyn said...

YEAH! I am so happy for you guys. I totally understand your frustrations--and that immediate sense of relief/gratitude/elation when you find another job. We love you guys and are so happy that you are back here with us. (Although, we are still really disappointed that we didn't get to visit you in Hawaii!)

Just so said...

YAY!! What a wonderful birthday present for Mark. I'm so glad that prayers were answered.

Carterista said...

perfect! Perfect!! PERFECT!!!
Happy Brithday, Marc!
You ROCK!!!

The Van Leeuwen Family said...

Congratulations! That's so exciting & what news to get on his birthday!

Peggy said...

Congratulations!! I am so happy for you guys! And I am so glad you get to stay here and keep your home. That's AWESOME!!!

Shayleen Lunt said...

What a great story! I was crying...probably because I've been feeling quite sluggish myself lately. Congratulations - With the first pay check, please go buy a cake mix and celebrate!

Amy said...

Yah! That is so great. Funny enough, just yesterday Tim asked me if Mark had found a job yet. I'm assuming it's not far from home and that you won't have to relocate. ;)

So how did the rest of the day turn out? A cake? Some smiles and laughter? Friends and family? Peace knowing the Lord has provided as usual? :)

Bobbi said...

Erin, I'm crying. What a wonderful relief! I couldn't be happier for you & your family. Congratulations!!!

Damaris said...

thanks for making your blog sound like real like and not like a Christmas letter where people have the perfect life. I love you for that and for sharing this story. Happy birthday and happy birth to a new era of hopefully a good job.

I'm Natalie. said...

Congratulations Erin and Mark. I'm totally crying right now. . . it's like I am feeling your relief and joy vicariously. . . I.am.so.happy.for.you!

Congratulations!

Oh and Mark, Happy Birthday! Sorry Erin was a butt face. ;)

Judy said...

Congrads! Ditto what Cecilia said. Mark- You rock!

JaNae said...

Congratulations on the job offer! It takes time, but I truly believe all experiences can help progress you to better situations. Best wishes to you and your family!

John Ivie said...

Erin that is such a great story.

Marcie said...

I felt so badly after reading your previous post when you mentioned that everything was up in the air with the job situation- especially for it to happen so soon after moving back there. I am so glad that Mark got the new job. What a relief and a blessing! We're so happy for you both.

kellieanne said...

Congratulations on the new job. And might I add, Mark, your age suits you - you good looking hunk of a man. Erin told me to say that!

Nikki said...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Family said...

NOw I feel totally stupid...I didn't realize what type of trouble you guys were in....Somehow I must have missed the whole didn't have a job thing. I wish I would have been some help to you guys. I'm so sorry!!!! What kind of a friend am I. But....I am so glad that Mark got a job and that all will be okay. What an awesome birthday present! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MARK!

JayandCassandra said...

I had no idea you guys were in that situation. I am so glad that Mark got the job.... and on his birthday! What a nice surprise.

shelno said...

Congratulations to you and your family! I think something rang a bell to everyone that read your beautifully written thoughts. It's a lesson to us all that there isn't a single person out there that hasn't tasted of the feelings and emotions expressed -- the other young mom that has her hands full, but seems capable, the older man in church that gives a smile to everyone, the stinky, dirty guy standing in front of you in the dollar store, or the classy lady with the pretty hair and nails and neat car that lives down the street. We're all going through our own REAL trials that others may never know about. So, knowing that, have love and charity for EVERYONE, even if their life seems perfect. You should be a writer, Erin!

OHANA said...

Ok, so it took me a while to read the blog. So today as I had time at the store, I read your blog. Ok I am totally crying and people are looknig at me funny! But CONGRATULATIONS!! What a blessing. And I bet what a huge relief. Wish we could be there with you to celebrate!!

Faith said...

What wonderful news! So happy for you!

Robyn said...

butt face??? LOL!!! Now I'm crying...from laughing. Thank you "I'm Natalie" for bringing back the 80's! (Or 90's, or whenever it was that "butt face" was an awesome, or should I say RAD term!) ;-P

Robyn said...
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Troy said...

Congratulations! I guess the lesson from this is that good things happen when you are mad at your husband! Just imagine what could happen if you begin a regimen of physical abuse! Ha ha.

Kahilau said...

WOW! We totally know what that is like. CONGRATS!!! Where is Mark working now? I know where ever it is. is perfect! WAY TO GO!!! Seriously, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

eva fhadilah said...


Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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