TRUE LIFE!

You know the old adage, "oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we use our voice to deceive." Well maybe that is not quite how it goes, but that is how I am going to refer to it from now on. Over the last 20 years or so, from the time I first was allowed to answer phone calls and call others with my mad phone dialing skills, I have been drawn to the art of telephone communication deceit. At first I indulged in catchy answering machine lyrics, then like all indulgences, my appetite grew to 'playful' live phone greetings. It was not out of place for a stranger to call my home and hang up bewildered, thinking he/she had called Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, the Veterinary Clinic or the Obgyn. In wild laughter I would jump and rejoice around the home after each phone deceit triumph. As time passed and I matured into woman hood, I abandoned my childish phone deceiving ways and turned my telephone communication immaturity into well scripted, yet, most often spontaneous, masterfully deceiving phone messages for those who do not answer the phone when I happen to call upon them. At any given time, If I feel that a particular person is screening my call or not answering for a justifiable reason, then I am compelled to leave a voicefully deceiving message.
I recently called a dear friend of mine who just so happens to be a single high school teacher. I knew that she was home because I had just spoken to her sister moments before. When my dear friend did not answer her phone, I had only one option: LEAVE A MESSAGE.
So, leave a message, is exactly what I did. The message went something like this:

Deep Man Voice: Uh, hello Ms. (insert last name), I mean (insert first name). This is Bob, I think you will remember me from your senior English class two years ago. I'm graduated now and I saw you out. You are looking really good, and I think that it is legal now for us to hook up...Uh, ms. (insert last name), I mean (first name) I am in to you and, I used to really think you were hot when you were teaching English...Uh, it would be awesome if we could get to know each other better...
...so give me a call at (insert phone number)...

Even though I felt this message was the pinnacle of my game, I truly believed that because my dear friend is so good at decoding random messages, she would see that it was really me. HA HA HA, I am now laughing out loud because she did not think it was me. In fact, she was petrified, thinking some pervert, over-grown adolescent ex-student was out stalking her! I have to admit that 4 days later when she finally realized that it was me and she called to...um...tell me how she felt, I jumped up and down and danced around the house rejoicing and basking in my phone deceiving victory!!!