Thursday, August 23, 2007

CRAP!!!

Disclaimer: Ok, serious do not read this if you have a high opinion of my little family...we are now sinking to an all time GRODY low. This blog also contains refrences to nudity.



Mark and I had spent the good portion of the afternoon reshaping, planting, pruning and landscaping my parent's front yard. We were covered in muck! But, being hungry and tired, we sat down and ate dinner with my family before we decided to shower. Dinner carried on as usual:

Erin: Thanks for making the Pork Chops mom, they're good.

Mom: Thank you for working in the yard.

Erin: (grunt) um, yah.

Mom: Have you gone to the bathroom yet or are you still feeling a little constipated?

Erin: Oh, I'm good, I worked it out earlier today. (EDITED)

Mom: Well you should make sure you are getting enough fiber or you could have a blockage.

Erin: (1/2 roll of eyes) I am fine mom, but Theodore hasn't pooped since we got here. (reference to the Summerill arrival from Hawaii on Monday morning)

Mom: You better watch him, that can be bad for babies if they go too long without pooping.

Dinner conversation carries on as usual and an array of other functional topics are haphazardly discussed over pork chops, rice and corn.

Mark: I am going to take Theodore down and give him a bath, then I will wash up to.

Erin: (finishing up rice, garbles a reply) ok.

Dinner is promptly wrapped up and Erin encourages the boys to help grandma. After the table is emptied, Erin, having forgotten what Mark had said, asks her dad of Mark's whereabouts. Her father mentions that Mark has taken the baby down to get bathed. A sneaky gleam lights up Erin's eye and Erin sidles away to the downstairs bathroom to find Mark and Theodore in the tub. Erin stands in the doorway and giggles at the Summerills in the tub. Mark furrows his brow and then tells Erin that she can get in with the baby because he is going to get out and she obviously needs to still clean up from the gardening work. Erin agrees to this exchange and unrobes. Within minutes the three Summerills are changing places around the restroom, primarily in the bath tub. As the baby exchange is being made, Erin notices a peculiar smell.

Erin: Gross, what is that smell?
Mark: (confused look) I don't know, what is that thing floating near your foot?
Erin: What thing?!? Oh MY GOODNESS (edited) that is POOP!!!

(screech sounds from the thriller Psycho are heard in the background, as shots of multiple pieces of poop are seen floating around the gray bathwater)

Erin glances around nervously to find the tub a filled river of logs moving to make their way downstream.

Erin: (who is holding the baby) Mark can you see if he is still pooping? (urgency in voice) Mark, Mark, is there poop still coming out?

Mark: (clearly annoyed) I can't look at his butt right now because I am trying to get the poop.

Erin: (distressed) How are you going to do that? Can you just please tell me if he is pooping still?

Erin's eyes widen as both her questions are answered in near simultaneous timing. Erin watches horrified as Mark grasps for the floating mini-logs, missing some and snatching others, then tossing them into the nearby toilet; and then Erin feels the warm sludge of fresh baby poop (and when I say poop, I mean it could be mistaken for a grown man log) slithering down her hip and kerplunking into the brown lake below.

The scene continues as Mark grasps at turd floats and Erin screeches each time Theodore scrunches up his face, and flexes his mini torso to release yet another poop shoot! It is apparent that the 4 days of poop that have been stored in Theodore's baby body are now thrown into the toilet or floating around the bath in which naked Mark, Erin and baby Theodore now stand.

Needless to say sometimes life is just a Crap Shoot!

14 SPLURTS:

jerin said...

I LOVE these stories. It's good to get a good laugh. Thank you. Welcome back to Utah!

James said...

Thank you for letting my day starting out on a ... Well, sitting alone at the computer laughing your head off is always a good thing. Are you going to take a bath (Alone) before you come to the night game? :-)

Judy.

Tammy said...

Oh Erin---You have just described one of the many joys/hazards of parenthood. Every single one of my kids has pooped in the tub as a baby, thereby setting into motion an irrational, (or is it?), fear of water that lasts for several weeks thereafter. Your experience takes the prize though, as your experiences often do. Just be grateful that Theodore is too young to remember the experience and be scarred by it. Do not, however, assume that MY fear of water stems from such an incident......we can discuss THAT later.....privately........or maybe not......

kellieanne said...

Scarred: mental effect of distressing experience: a lasting effect left on somebody's mind by a personal misfortune or unpleasant experience. I'm pretty sure if Theodore is not scarred from this, Erin and Mark will be.

gurrbonzo said...

HAHA! grosssss.

Carterista said...

just let me...Hahahahaha...catch my breath....hahahoyhehhhhehhh...can't breathe..hehhhhhhhehhhhh...the tears...haaahahhaaheheeehe...cant' seee...Hohohohahahoyhahahheehh...

haley said...

For future reference, a slotted spoon works well for removing the floaters...just make sure the spoon is designated for that purpose only!

Marcie said...

OH, MY, GOSH! Too funny and disgusting at the same time!

Shari said...

Thankyou for sharing! It brought back memories of taking Isaac into the tub at one month old to try and relieve a bit of constipation he was having. It works every time just remember that. Only our result was the mustard kind. Love ya Shari

Jesse and Karina Bahr said...

hahaahaha!!!! ewwwwww...

McMullin Mugs said...

He he he! ho ho ho! Your stories are such a treat, and so nostalgic.
Thanks for sharing and keeping us all up on your goings on and in.

Bobbi said...

I've just experienced multiple waves of nausia over my pregnant body...thanks for the story!

Jason,Tiffany, & the Crew said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!-Tiffany

Adeeva Afsheen said...


Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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